Thursday, June 20, 2013

Hats of to all the mothers out there!

This is a really good article written by Akeela Ahmed

Check out her blog - https://akeelaahmed.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/stay-at-home-mum/
Stay at home mum”?
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Having been a mother who has worked, mostly full time, for the last ten years or so, I have just recently had another child and taken time out to concentrate on and dedicate all of my time to my family. Whilst juggling work and motherhood, I worked long hours – often 50 hour weeks, and would then come home in the evening and work again once the children were in bed. I was a “working mum” in every sense but still managed the day to day running of the household (with the help of darling husband who shared the burden), cooked, cleaned and did the laundry (when I could), as well as spend time with my children, husband, extended family and friends. I did have great support in my parents who often helped with school runs and cooking. My husband and I felt additional paid help with childcare or household duties was a luxury that we could not afford. And yes I had the inevitable missed parents evenings, trips and sports days, although the more senior I became, the more confidence I had in pushing back and making sure I could attend such events. It wasn’t easy, however these were the choices I had made.
So now I am a “stay at home mum”. And this label I find frustrating. If before I was a “working mum” that now “stays at home” it rather sounds like I have taken an easy, more comfortable option of “just” taking care of my family. Almost like a holiday or one might say – a staycation.
One thing that struck me over these last ten years is that the hardest job I have ever done is and still is being a mum, not everyone would agree with me, but often I found being at work was a break from being a mum. Like many parents and women before me have said, being a mum does not come with any manual or instructions -you simply are plunged into parenthood from the birth of your child. As each child and parent are different you have to learn how to be a mother on the go, and failure is never an option.
If I were to compare motherhood to working as a CEO ( my last role) being a mother is definitely, hands down, the most taxing. As a CEO I had years of experience behind me, a team to delegate to, a board to supervise me, mentors to advise me, training that I could attend and a number of tools to guide and support my daily work in the form of a targets, strategic plans, software etc.
A mother however does not have a ready made support structure within which she can work. She has to seek out her own peer support networks in the form of similar friends or online forums. Parenting books can be helpful but I am yet to come across a parent who has used one as a prescriptive guide for their child and it has worked. (To be honest, the best advice I ever had was to ignore the books and do what feels right for you as a mum). And then there are the goverment guidelines on how best to bring up your child which again are useful, but are guilt inducing if you do not follow them to the T. All in all, in our very British culture stepping into the role of mum is far from easy, and just as challenging if not more, than any other job.
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For me, concentrating on my family full time is just as hard work, entails equally long hours, is challenging and just as enjoyable as working full time. But I can’t help feeling that the label “stay at home mum” hardly encapsulates all of those things.
The term “stay at home” does a disservice to the important and challenging role of motherhood. It also implies privilege for women of a higher socioeconomic status or lack of stature for women from lower socioeconomic status groups. Embracing motherhood and concentrating on one’s family full time should not need any sort of pre-qualification. So if people ask my current job role is ‘mother’, and in the near future, I may, most likely, additonally work in another role.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Family fun day in Slough

Hijablush will be selling their hijabs in Slough tomorrow at a charity event in aid of Syria. If you dont have any plans why not pop in and be sure to come and say hi to the Hijablush girls :)


Monday, April 22, 2013

Faatimah Zahra (AS)

I have been attending a course called ‘Certificate in Islamic Literacy’, the course aims to cover a wide range of topics but at present we are studying the Seerah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.)

The teacher Sheikh Tanveer Hussain is a brilliant teacher who relates the Seerah in such a passionate and interesting way. Sheikh Tanveer has told us many stories throughout the course so far but one story has touched my heart.

This is the story of Faatimah (may Allah be please with her) and her father Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and the relationship they had as a father and daughter. It was narrated that Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said, “I never saw anyone whose speech more closely resembled that of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) than Faatimah (AS). When she entered, he would stand up to greet her, kiss her and welcome her, and she would do the same for him.”

On one occasion when the Prophet (PBUH) was on his deathbed he seated Faatimah (AS) next to himself and whispered something in her ear. Faatimah (AS) started to weep, he then whispered something else in her ear and made her smile. After the death of the Prophet (PBUH) Aa’ishah (AS) asked Faatimah (AS) what the Prophet (PBUH) had said to her to make her both cry and smile, she told Aa’ishah (AS) that the Prophet (PBUH) had told her Jibreel used to review the Qur’aan with him once every year, but that year he had reviewed it with him twice, so he knew that his appointed time (of death) was approaching, he then told her she would be the first of his family to join him. When he saw her start to weep he whispered to her, “Would it not please you to be the leader of the women of Paradise or the women of the believers,” and this made her smile.

This story really made me think about Faatimah (AS) and how it must have been for her when she realized her father was going to die too, her mother had died previously as had all her siblings leaving just her and her father. Although she had her own family- her husband Ali and her children, realizing the her fathers life was coming to an end soon must have been a huge test within itself.

May Allah give us all the courage and sabr of Faatimah (AS).

Friday, April 19, 2013

Hijablush

 
A friend and I have started up our own Hijab business, we sell beautiful oversized scarves. So far the response from friends and family has been positive and extremely encouraging. For those of you who havent seen our Fb page check out Hijablush and let us know what you think of our scarves.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Syria

As many of you will have read in the papers or seen on the news the situation in Syria is shocking and deeply upsetting. Recently myself and a few friends organised a charity event "Fashion for Action" in High Wycombe, the aim was to raise money for the victims of the brutalities that were taking place in Syria.

We were told the event was a huge success and was thoroughly enjoyed by all those who came. I know myself and the other organisers were so busy and completely run off our feet all evening that we didnt really get to stop and enjoy the event.

We went on to raise about £7000 which was absolutely amazing- I think we had aimed to raise about £5000 but the generosity of our community and all those who attended was overwhelming. I know the money raised will be put towards a great cause via Hand in Hand for Syria (the charity we supported.)

I just wanted to thank all those who attended and those who supported us in one way or another, without all the help and support we would never have been able to raise such a large amount.

Check out the website if you would like more information about the charity or would like to donate, http://www.handinhandforsyria.org.uk/

We are hoping to organise another event in the near future so watch this space :)

Friday, February 15, 2013

Demi's search for a husband..................

So i have a friend, let’s call her Demi, for the purpose of my blog. Demi is a good, hard working intelligent Indian girl. Indian girls can be called Demi right?  Well Demi’s reached the ripe age of 25 and is looking to settle down. Unfortunately the problem is Miss Demi is quite high maintenance, not in terms of money but more in terms of attention and time. She has a very strict criteria which needs to be fulfilled. Her husband to be needs to possess the following qualities-

1)      Must be educated and in what her parents call a “respectable” job- so no estate agents or gym instructors. By the way I mean respectable in accordance to Asian parents standards- which means only a doctor, lawyer or accountant.
2)      Must be tall, well built and obviously good looking like Hugh Jackman, Brad Pitt (old..but still yummy- her words not mine!), Ed Westwick, Jonathan Rys Meyers. Ryan Gosling or Robert Pattison from some angle or when you squint.
3)      Must love chocolate and all forms of it eg chocolate bars, chocolate milkshake, chocolate ice cream and chocolate cake!
4)      Must love going out to new restaurants- Demi is a food guru and knows all the top restaurants to go to in London as well as what to order on the menu. If she hasn’t heard of a restaurant it’s not worth going to!
5)      Must love travelling- the girl spent four months travelling around Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand. Her next big trip will be the south of America.
6)      Must be witty, have an amazing sense of humour and a positive outlook on life! Demi is not impressed by dull boring guys who don't know how to make a woman laugh.


 
So if you know anyone who would be a good potential for my friend Demi get in touch and maybe together we can help Demi find Mr Right (or should it be Mr Moore?????!!!!!!!!?????????)

Who needs shaadi.com when you have mrandmrsm.com!




Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day!

Mr M and I agreed we wouldn't celebrate Valentines day, (I was forced to agree to these terms!) but Mr M did say he would buy me some chocolate soon after Valentines day.

I want to know your views on Valentines Day- is it just a commercial farce or if it really a day to show your partner how much they mean to you???!!!!!!????

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Hijab: Fard (Obligation) or Fiction?

I came across this brilliant article written by Lobna Mulla about the Hijab, thought i would share it with you. Happy reading :)
I am in a dilemma and need you to help me put things into perspective. It’s the age-old question of whether hijab is fard (mandatory) or not! I have been wearing hijab for many years now. I always believed that the ayah (verse) in Surat An-Nissa (Qur’an 4) is a personal choice that women make and can be interpreted in several ways but I was always afraid of dying without wearing hijab. Basically an old Egyptian shaykh (scholar) scared the heck out of me in my younger days, saying that women will hang in hell fire from their hair, and that’s how I decided to wear hijab. We have raised 3 boys in the process, ages 23, 21 and 14.
Within the last couple of years, my husband started commenting on why I am wearing hijab, if it’s attracting more attention through racism, etc. Why not just put my hair up in a bun so I’m not lavishly displaying my hair and Allah wants to make things easy for us not hard—especially in the society that we live in. He’s trying to convince me that if it was clear-cut like prayers and fasting, God wouldn’t have left it up to our interpretation. Lately, he has been increasing this rhetoric.
I am struggling with this! But on the other hand, I’ve been doing it for so long. I know many ladies that have taken off their hijab and the majority have no regrets and are okay with their decision. So a part of me is okay with taking it off and another part is not! Please help!
Indeed this is an increasingly common question for an age-old practice.  When I saw this question from one of our dear readers, it hit home.  Born to Egyptian parents who immigrated to the United States over 40 years ago in the midst of the Islamic Re-Awakening in Egypt, I too grew up with the notion that hijab was something commendable, yet optional.
I was content with my views regarding hijab until I was 20 years old.  I often looked at Muslim women observing the headscarf with a bit of confusion and pity combined. “Why would someone go through so much trouble? Why are they making it difficult for themselves?”
My belief was challenged, however, when unsuspectingly a relative of mine began wearing the hijab and gave a presentation about it at our masjid’s youth group.  Ironically, the masjid we attended was one of the rare few which did not propagate hijab, and depending upon the leader asked, the idea of its optionality was reinforced. I was shocked when I heard the clear evidence from Qur’an and Sunnah that hijab is fard.
I give some personal background to this question only to help readers who are struggling with this practice to understand that I am sensitive to misconceptions and public pressures surrounding the hijab. In this article, I wish to present clear evidence regarding the commandment of the headscarf and to provide rebuttals for the very common arguments Muslims raise concerning its status.
Evidence
In the Qur’an, the direct commandment for post-pubescent women to cover their hair and neck is in Surat An-Noor, ayah 31 (Chapter of the Light, verse 31).

“And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their khumur over their juyub and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, [...]” (Qur’an 24:31)
After reading this ayah, one may notice that there is no mention of hair per se.  This is where many of those who question the obligation of hijab, stop and say, “But where does the Qur’an say to cover the hair?” This is an example of how understanding a verse based on the English translation alone and without historical context results in confusion.  Let’s back up and understand this ayah, phrase by phrase.
The Believing Women
The very first directive from Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) in this ayah is aimed at Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to “tell the believing women” to lower their gaze, etc.  There are those who claim that the commandments in this verse apply only to the Prophet’s wives or only at the time of the Prophet ﷺ.  Yet the address is for the “believing women”—an all-encompassing phrase.  Remember the ayah:
“And We have not sent you [O Muhammad] except as a mercy to the worlds,” (Qur’an 21:107).
Prophet Muhammad was sent as a mercy to all of humanity—not just to the people of Mecca and Medina.
Lowering One’s Gaze and Guarding One’s Private Parts
Note that the first injunction described here is for the believing women to “lower their gaze” which is to avoid looking at anything haram (unlawful). Secondly, they are commanded to “guard their private parts,” (which in the previous ayah, verse 30, Allah (swt) addresses the believing men and commands them first to do the exact same—who said protecting one’s body from haram is only for women?).
An important point to mention in this part of the ayah is the various English translations found to explain the phrase “yahfadthna furujahunna”. In Arabic, the literal meaning for this phrase is to guard their private parts. This is specific and strong language to forbid the believing women (and in verse 30, the believing men) from engaging in illegal intercourse. Interestingly enough, in Pickthall’s translation of the Holy Qur’an, “yahfadthna furujahunna” is translated as “to be modest” and in Yusuf Ali’s translation, we find “to guard their modesty.”
For years, I wondered why some Muslims have the notion that hijab is not fard, but that we are required, instead, to only “be modest.”  I believe I found the source in these English translations.   According to many ahadith (narrations of the Prophet Muhammad ), we are required to be modest (which in Arabic, is “hayaa’”).  However, this verse, in particular, is not commanding the women to have “hayaa’” in the general sense.  Here they are commanded, specifically, to “guard their private parts.”
An explanation of how guarding one’s privates can be successfully accomplished begins with lowering the gaze and continues with the commandments outlined in the rest of the ayah as related to dress.
Women Are Not to Display Their Beauty
Next, the verse reads, “and not to display their beauty, except what ordinarily appears thereof.”  In Arabic, zeenatahunna refers to the women’s natural beauty or adornments (here, the scholars of Qur’an understood adornments to refer to the hidden places of the body where adornments are worn1 ) Therefore, the scholars of Qur’an agree by ijma’ (consensus) that “wa la yubdeena zeenatahunna” refers to covering everything, “illa ma dhahara minha”—except for what ordinarily must appear to carry out daily affairs in public, which is the face and the hands2 .  Interestingly enough, the scholarly debate has always been between whether the face and hands are to be shown, or if they too, should be covered3 .  Until very recent times, this commandment from Allah (swt) to cover the hair was never debated by the common Muslim.  And this certainly was never up for debate amongst the scholars throughout history.
Sheikh Yusuf Al Qaradawi resonates with this very concept when he responds to the same question regarding the obligation of hijab in his book—Contemporary Fatwas4 . He states, “One of the great fitnas (trials) and intellectual conspiracies that has been introduced into the Muslim world is the alteration of matters of certainty to matters of doubt and debate.” He also states that all of the scholars throughout history from various groups such as the Sufis, the Dhahiris (the Literalists), the fuqahaa’ (jurists), and the scholars of hadith unanimously agree that it is fard for the believing woman to cover her hair.
Some discount the commandment of hijab altogether due to the weakness of a commonly cited hadith (narration) found in Sunan Abu Dawood where Aisha radi Allahu ‘anha (may Allah be pleased with her) relates that the Prophet , who upon seeing Asma bint Abi Bakr wearing thin clothes said, “O Asma, when a women reaches the age of menstruation, nothing should appear from her except for this,” and the Prophet pointed to his hands and face.  This reasoning is faulty because even if we were to entirely dismiss this hadith, the clarity of the various segments of the ayah are enough to prove the commandment of hijab by itself.  In addition, there are other authentic narrations from the Prophet outlining how thick the woman’s outer garment should be, how loose, how long, etc. These descriptions of the woman’s dress, coupled with the injunction to cover the hair, and to not display their beauty, collectively emphasize the injunction to cover all but the face and hands.
Covering the Hair, Ears, Neck and Chest
The injunction for covering the hair is evidenced by “and to strike their khumur over their juyub.” In Arabic, the word khumur is the plural of khimar, which is a cloth that is draped over the top of the head and hangs downward.  This definition is unanimously agreed upon by all of the scholars5 . Juyub is the plural for jayb which is the opening in the front of the dress that allows the head to fit through.  The key is to note that the women at the time of jahiliya (pre-Islamic times) were already covering their hair, as was customary throughout history in various cultures6 and religions7 .  However, by letting the ends of their khimar hang down behind their back; their ears, neck, and chest were exposed89 .  This style can be seen in the image below10 .
Then came the commandment to take the khimar and “cover their juyub.” By doing so, the women would now be covering their previously exposed areas.
The photo above depicts again how the head cover was worn.  The next photo explains the action of “walyadribna” which literally means to strike, “bikhumurihinna” with their head covers, “ala juyubihinna” over the front openings in their garments.  Ar-Razi, explains that “walyadribna“—to strike—is used to emphasize the importance of covering this area11 .
Finally, the last photo reflects how the khimar (head covering) is used to cover the previously exposed ears, neck, and chest.
Summary of Verse 31
Let’s take a moment to reflect upon what the believing women are commanded to do:
  1. Lower their gaze
  2. Guard their private parts
  3. Not display their beauty and ornaments except what (ordinarily) appears thereof
  4. Take their khimar (head cover) and cover their chest (and other previously exposed areas)
  5. Not to display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers…etc.
It is very difficult to see how an ayah with so many specific, step-by-step commandments can be written off as someone’s “interpretation.”
Hijab, Khimar, Veil, Head Scarf…
Some say hijab is not fard based on the use of the word “hijab” itself.   Some argue that verses containing the word “hijab” in the Qur’an (which means to conceal, veil, screen, etc.) do not refer to covering the hair, so why do we use hijab to mean headscarf?  Let’s not get caught up in the semantics of the word hijab.  Suffice it to say that this word has become commonplace in the Muslim vocabulary to mean a head cover despite the fact that Allah (swt) uses the word khimar in the Qur’an. Yet the two terms are related in meaning. What matters is that we cover our hair, not the way in which we name the covering.
The Style of Qur’an
The Qur’anic style is not like our municipal codes of law that provide lists of rules and injunctions. Instead, the Holy Qur’an has a beautiful literary style in which Allah (swt) opens our hearts through stories, warnings, reflections, and direct commandments, all intertwined.
Imagine if instead of the ayah above regarding hijab, we were told to cover our hair, neck, shoulders, upper and lower arms, chest, abdomen and thighs, etc.?  How dry would that sound?  That is not the style of the Glorious Qur’an.
Take the obligation of prayer.  Can anyone deny the duty to pray Fajr, Dhuhr, Asr, Maghrib, and ‘Ishaa? The answer is no, yet nowhere in the Qur’an are these prayers listed together as part of the commandment to pray. Furthermore, a closer look will reveal that nowhere in the Qur’an are the number of raka’at (units) for each prayer described.  It is not necessary, since Allah (swt) sent His Messenger to teach us the specifics.
And although the issue of covering the woman’s hair has been submerged into a sea of heated debate, there is no hesitation to fully cover the hair and body for prayer. Again, the question is raised: where is this mentioned in the Qur’an? Why are we so resentful and phobic when we hear that women need to cover their beauty outside the home, yet we peacefully submit when it comes to matters of worship? Are we not trying to please the same Merciful Lord both in and outside of prayer?
Finally, some mistakenly look for exact words in the Qur’an to validate certain obligations such as hijab. “If there was an ayah in the Qur’an which read, ‘All women must cover their hair’,” I would have done so in a minute!” claim some who challenge the concept. Take a step back and remember that the command is to take the headscarf that covers the hair (khimar) and to modify how it was being worn. If there was a room full of women wearing head scarves, and you wanted them to cover their ears, neck and chest; how would you phrase the request? Would you ask them to put on a headscarf that they are already wearing, and then to cover the exposed areas or would you simply ask them to cover their exposed areas?
Conclusion
Referring back to our dear sister who submitted this question, the arguments you’ve heard to take off the hijab may seem convincing, however they are wholly unsound. To attract attention to yourself because you look different with the hijab is not the same as attracting sexual attention. And to refer to the verses and ahadith relating to hijab as interpretation is unfounded (there are many more ahadith not included in this article for the sake of brevity).  Finally, some use the ayah, “[…] Allah intends for you ease, and does not intend for you hardship […]” (2:185) to argue that hijab is not compulsory. If we had such license to rationalize away other injunctions when faced with any level of difficulty, what would happen to praying five times a day and to fasting?
While others around you were comfortable in taking off their hijab, I urge you not to do the same! From my experiences with sisters who have followed the same path, I have invariably seen unfortunate subsequent changes. Such changes include: tighter clothing, lower necklines, shorter hemlines, and more lavish hair-do’s, despite the intention not to. I know some sisters have had bad situations in which they were forcefully coerced into removing their hijab, may Allah make it easy for you. But for those sisters who contemplate this action by their own choice, I urge you and all of our readers to seek the pleasure of Allah and not the pleasure of His creation.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

New years resolution

So my list of new years resolutions is as long as my arm, can you believe it! For those of you who know me probably can. On my list I have the usual- exercise more, eat healthy, lose weight, read more Quran and hadith, better myself in the way of Islam, finish my exams and become qualified etc etc etc



One of my top ten resolutions for 2013 is to make sure I update my blog on at least a weekly basis. Looking back at my blog I realised my last post was on the 24th July 2012! Not good! And something I should be really ashamed of.................I couldnt even remember how to get to my blog (hangs head in shame.)

But it's all good now because things are changing here, Mrs M is ready to start blogging again, Hooray!